shansworld

This year has been off to the most rockiest start. First our truck got broken into again, thank goodness the thieves shorted the wires and couldn’t get it started….needless to say it’s still money out of our pocket getting it fixed.

Then my Dad had chest pains, did all the tests, hospital etc and the docs changed his meds…that was 2 weeks ago and now this past week he is having the same pains again, so it’s another round to the hospital, more tests…I’m praying they figure it out…cry just thinking about my dad, he’s my everthing but remaining positive. He’s in great physical condition so that’s on his side.

And in two days my husband is going in for surgery to get a bone spur taken off his leg…It’s day surgery but still complicated. This is on Wednesday, my Dad is going to the hospital Thursday…I’m a nervous wreck so needless to say I’ve been self medicating with food. Ate terrible all weekend and this morning as I’m walking into the kitchen to get my breakfast I could feel my thighs rubbing against each other. I was humilitated, ashamed and very angry at myself. Still am! Have eaten clean all day, wanted a banana choc chip muffin the kids and I made but as I was almost ready to take one, I stopped and looked at them, asked myself “why?’ didn’t like my answer so I walked away. Not going to find comfort in food, it has to stop, it WILL stop being my security blanket. As of right now I’m doing ok, going to the gym tonight, have a healthy dinner and to bed early, the best recipe for success!

HAPPY NEW YEAR  to you all! I hope everyone had a safe and wonderful New Year’s.

Well it’s that time again where many are doing the New Year resolutions of losing weight, saying “this year will be the year!” I know how hard it is trying to keep this resolution. Life throws us curves in the road and we let ourselves fall on the backburner, God knows I have done this too many times.

I’m doing ok with the pounds, didn’t gain as much as I thought I would over the holidays but of course could of done better with my eating. I’m sad I’m going into another year at this weight, but sadness won’t help take it off. It’s the decision to do it once and for all and sticking to that decision. I did this poem off the top of my  head how I feel with these added pounds, many may feel the same way…there is fear, self loathing and yes sadness that we aren’t living our life to it’s full potential all because of the weight. LET’S CHANGE IT NOW!

I wish to lose the weight this year, for I live my life in tearful fear.

Afraid to try new things in my life, as this weight is a constant strife.

The pounds are always in my thoughts, and my mind is filled with fraught.

For we only have one life to live, now it’s time for me to give.

A precious gift to only me, to be in shape, to be finally free!

From pain of the excess weight, and not to have this continuous debate!

Had my weigh in this morning and I’m down 7 lbs. It’s been hard but now that I’m seeing results it’s all worth it. I’m eating very clean meaning no processed foods, no sugar, no butter/margarine, condiments, basically it’s all natural foods.

Some may think this is too strict but after trying to lose weight for two years I pretty much know what can and can’t be done. I CAN’T have one cookie and not want another one. As soon as sugar hits my bloodstream it sends my brain “want more”…so why tempt myself. I will have a cheat meal/dessert once in awhile but it’s no longer a weekly thing to do.

The energy level I have is amazing, plus the seratonin is having a party upstairs. Eating junk is such a pit-fall for me. Makes me lethargic, mopey, and just plain bitchy. So when I do have that craving for a piece of chocolate cake or a donut I just have to think of how it’s going to make me feel in a couple of hours.

Night time has always been the hardest for me but if I get the munchies I’ll go on the computer, clean house, or look at my picture from when I was in shape…or have a nice cup of tea which takes the edge off.

So if I can do this so can you! Have faith, dream of when you can wear all those smaller sized clothes (this is my biggest motivator as I love clothes and shopping I’m looking forward to softball next April and envisioning how amazing I’m going to look and feel!

Hi buddies,

well I took a little hiatus from BS…Why? I think I was mostly getting ticked at myself for not losing any weight…actually have gained ALOT of weight over the past year, 35 lbs to be exact. Stress factors in most of it with emotional eating. Hasn’t been a rough year but the stress gremlins as I like to call them have a way of creeping up when least expected. Try to knock em’ down with food but now I’m no longer chubby… I’m fat and feel like crap. Kinda rhymes don’t it? LOL

We played ball this year and I asked my hubby if I ran fast around the bases. I mean I felt like I was hoofing it pretty good. His response “Uh, no, you were slow” Geeze and I thought I was doing allright then I saw ball pictures someone took. OMG, where did that other chin come from? There I am standing at the backstop and two legs are stuck under a beachball body. Pictures are just wonderful aren’t they? Especially those taken undetected.

So my weight as of this morning is ~cough, cough, gasp~ 202 lbs. I have joined a weight loss group in my city and I start next week. My doctor recommended it to me and I had checked it out earlier in the fall. Between that and BuddySlim I have lots of support and guideance, so I’m going into this strong. Going to get rough before it gets easier but I’m ready.